“I'm not aware of too many things
but I know what I know if you know what I mean.”
- Edie Brickell, “What I Am”
I know what I know and I know this:
Had I been what the others wanted, none of this would be happening. There would be no creative outpourings splashed upon pages, pasted onto blogs and websites, and spoken into a microphone. There would be no friendships with fellow creative souls who inspires and illuminate my being. There would be no reflections on life, remembering the questions I was once presented as a youngster having to spend part of his middle-school days in a trailer at the back end of campus, sitting in a class called Talented and Gifted, and listening to our teacher giving these things to ponder:
Who am I?
How did I get here?
Where am I going?
Had I been what the others wanted, those questions would've remained unanswered. What's the point when every action in my life would've been concentrated on everyone else but myself? Would those three questions even mean anything? Or would my life be like the guy who describes his life with his family in one sentence?
I know where I need to be and I know where I need to go.
Had I been what the other wanted, I would probably be in that same position. I may have been content with that or I may have been resigned to be that and nothing else. But now is not a position that I can accept with any cheerfulness. True happiness lies in the discovery of newness and my words and my poems and my stories keep things new. And it's the newness that wakes me up every morning with a smile on my face. The newness that makes me dream, that makes me think, that makes me ponder, that makes me want to create.
This is what I know.