Yesterday it was just my luck that the two books I was looking for in the library weren’t there even though the digital catalog said it was so.
I think there’s a metaphor in there somewhere.
This situation may be a description of when people are told to look for certain things and find themselves at the very place they were supposed to but finding nothing. Then they are forced into deciding whether to walk away empty handed or just grab something else that may look just as enticing but it’s just not the same as what you were looking for in the first place.
So in the library at the very moment that I realized that I had to make the same decision, I did so.
Instead of walking away without a book, I wandered around elsewhere and selected something else to read. The book looked good enough but I had my doubts about it having the same satisfaction as what I was looking for in the book that I had set my mind and heart to reading.
I believe many people have done the same thing.
They have made choices that settled voids when what they really wanted was either out of reach or just never existed. They live their lives claiming to be happy and maybe they are. But there if there were truth serum to put into their coffee in the morning or wine in the evening, they may tell a different tune. They could then talk about the choice of picking different schools or friends, living in different cities, or even loving a different person.
Of course, the worst part of it all is that some would have to admit they fucked up somewhere along the way and are just making the best of the consequences.
Thankfully I’m not at that extreme.
But I know that today in the library it was just deciding on a book to read. But what happens tomorrow if I can’t get what I really want?